DPRK Tests Nuclear Device

Earlier today, the DPRK tested a nuclear device, which ended in a dramatic failure. There as no explosion at all, but the device leaked dangerous radiation over a wide area, killing thousands and adding to the tragedy brought on by the recent floods that killed 50,000 people. This is a big disaster and is likely to increase tension on the peninsula, and speed up the DPRK's desire to invade more prosperous lands. Even the monkeys that operate the KCNA computers were killed, and no new reports have been added to their website since. KCNA service will resume when new monkeys can be trained to operate the computers. News is generated when the monkeys press buttons to receive food pellets. Many of the DPRK's starving citizens also applied for the job, but were turned down because monkeys require smaller cages.